demonicbeauty | Deer Country Inbox

You're worrying me right now.

[What is going on in that head of his?

The tea kettle whistles on the stove, so Ariadne gets up to take care of it. She has a couple of mismatched mugs handy, quickly pouring two cups and adding the leaves to steep.]

What's troubling you, Dean?

I think, uh.

[ He rubs the back of his head, collapsing a little onto a pillow without grace. ]

I think Cas and I are done. Or--if we ever...were. I don't know what counts anymore.

[She nearly drops one of the mugs, gasping softly.]

No...

[And if she looks horrified, well. A part of it might be because she blames herself.

That stupid conversation. Why did she have to bring it up?]

[ He can immediately sense where her head goes, and he shakes his head. ]

No, it isn't your fault. It's ours. Mine. I wanted to...really see if Sam's soul was gone, and we screwed up the spellwork.

[ His face screws up, looking tired and drawn. ]

Remember the other Dean, the one who was here? The younger one, more of an idiot, kinda rude?

[Sam's soul? Well, that sends a chill down her spine.

She picks up the mugs and carries them over to Dean, setting them down on the floor.]

Yes, of course.

[ He stares down at the mug but doesn't pick it up. ]

I-- we both...shifted back into the original timeline. I'm...him, in a way. The other Dean. And Cas is...

Not a junkie anymore, let's put it that way.

[Wait. What?

Ariadne looks at him, a little line of confusion forming between her eyes.

Until something suddenly sparks with her.]

You...I thought that you looked...different.

Yeah, I'm about five years younger. Give or take a few months, I guess.

[ And he looks massively unhappy about it. ]

There aren't as many lines on your face.

[No offense.

She sits down next to him, gently taking his chin in her hand, turning his face toward the light so she can look him over.

Yes, fewer worries. Even if he seems incredibly worried right now.]

But you still remember everything? The life you had for those five years?

[ He lets her, expression tired, eyes red rimmed, like he's done his share of tear shedding before coming over here. ]

Yeah. I remember it all. It's...hard to pick apart what's real and what was...him.

[ Or if it was all real. He doesn't know. ]

[Poor Dean.

Her heart is aching for him. As is plainly evident on her face.]

Him?

The old me. The older me.

[ He looks down at the mug on the floor and reaches for it, not knowing what else to do with his hands, wrapping his fingers around it and falling quiet. ]

[She lets go, backing off, giving him his space.

Talking about yourself like it's another person? That can't be good.]

I'm not sure his memories are any less real.

I...can't tell. Because they're mine, and it's--

[ He doesn't know how to explain that he both is and isn't that guy. He was, but now he isn't, but he retains all of it, all those experiences, and it's..heavy. ]

I guess it doesn't matter. At least we didn't blow ourselves off the map with crappy spellwork.

Blow yourselves off the...what?

[Way too many figures of speech and metaphors in there.]

[ He smiles. ]

...Nothing. We're alive. That's the important part.

Well, it is important.

[But she stares down into the depths of cup, looking troubled.]

How are you different from him? Besides the five years...

I went back to the other timeline. The 'good' end, I guess.

[ It's not that good, in his opinion. ]

I lived out five years as him, then went back and...lived another year as...me. It's fuckin' weird, it feels crowded in my head.

A good end, though. That's...well...good, right?

[Still confusing. But it sounds a little better.]

Sort of. It's not that great, but we stopped the apocalypse, which was the goal.

[ He guesses. ]

But?

[There's got to be some kind of 'but' in this. One that would make Dean so miserable.]

It didn't just throw me back into the original timeline. It pushed Cas back, too, and he's--

[ Well. An angel, but Dean isn't outing Cas unless he wants to be. ]

Different. He was different, then. We weren't..as close. And it's put up a wall of glass between us, now.

Oh...

[Yes, that's a pretty terrible 'but.' And Ariadne is probably the worst person to offer any kind of advice.

The best she can offer is logic.]

Well, is he missing those five years too?

Yeah. He remembers them, all of it, like I do, but we're both...different. I keep sayin' that, I know, but I dunno how else to put it.

[ He holds his tea, but doesn't drink it. ]

He left the cabin. Said he didn't have a reason to stay because he doesn't sleep or eat, so he just left. He left me.

Oh. He's changed back into a...

[She makes a vague gesture that could mean a variety of things. Ariadne met another version of Cas. He was...

Well, he made her very uncomfortable.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject